R-Evolution Against Pedophiles

 

2003

 

WHAT TO DO?

 

SURVIVORS

 

-You don't have to feel guilty or ashamed of being sexually abused as a child, because you were just an innocent child that could not defend yourself.

-It was not your fault. The person who was abused should NEVER be blamed. You did not deserve to be abused and you have not done anything wrong. The adult that molested you is responsible for what he had done to you.

-Stop carrying a load that does not belong to you. Free yourself, like I have done, by throwing guilt and shame back to the only one that deserves to carry it - THE ABUSER!

-Please, do not deny help to another child that needs your support to be set free. Remember, how much you would have appreciated it, if somebody had ended the terror you used to live in the past.

-Believe in yourself, even if you have your first memories of being abused sexually as a child, sometime later in your life. You have repressed your memories so as not to suffer. I never got to forget what happened to me, but I have met many survivors that suddenly recovered memories of child sexual abuse many years later in life.

 -Stay away from your abuser and those that protect him. He will never change and people that stand by the abuser do not respect your feelings. You should not waste your time and health waiting for them to change. This type of people, don’t want to change.

 

 

-Love the child you were. Cherish your self-esteem, because you matter. Get with people that respect you for what you really are. Be honest with yourself. Seek true and honest relationships only.

-Do not try to deny to yourself that you were abused or that it did not matter. You may be able to mislead other people, but you cannot do it to the image you see in the mirror. Earlier or later it will get you. There is only one way out: Even though it is painful, deal with it with honesty and courageously.

 

 

-Get therapy, join or start a support group in your community. Fight the origin of the problem. Follow the example of Alcoholics Anonymous (AAs) and other supportive groups. By sharing the same problems, people feel that they are not alone and you also can learn more about other people’s experiences in dealing with the abuse.

 

 

(19.04.04) - SUPPORT GROUPS (Attending Requests)

To start a support group, you just have to be willing to do it! In Australia, people gather survivors through organizations, such survivors groups themselves, government health departments or social workers, Red Cross, universities and so on. But, even these ones were once started by somebody or a group of people that had the intention to promote child sexual abuse awareness.

Some people, put adds in the paper, inviting survivors, others are organized through AAs, Red Cross, government organizations and others. Anybody can start a group!

The most important thing is that people make an effort themselves to make this work! To make it happen, this has to come from people with the intention to help other people. It is a work of consciousness.

It is not necessary, but more helpful that these groups have the presence of a professional of health, which can be a doctor, a psychologist or social worker that has knowledge or insight on the matter, to help to clarify related questions. These professionals can be paid or volunteer’s. Lots of these professionals in Australia are survivors themselves. You can also refuse to keep going with professionals that do not help you, because this is for you and by you. Do not give up; the right people will always come to you if you keep trying.

Every person has the opportunity to express or tell their stories. You can allow such a time for it like AAs do, and from there, ongoing meetings would allow some time such as 20 minutes for every person that wishes to express their feelings of dealing with the consequences of child sexual abuse. You can also use these groups to read or educate yourself about research and peoples experiences regarding the matter. Everything helps.

 

 

-Also, the more we speak about child sexual abuse , the more we can make people aware of its existence, the consequences in our lives, who does it, how to detect and prevent it. We survivors know how much it hurts and how difficult it was and still is to deal with the abuse. We can educate people for the problem and help each other in the healing process, because we know what people that had suffered child sexual abuse feel.

Survivors that have been speaking out have encouraged others around the world to acknowledge that they have been abused, to seek help and wanting to engage in a healing process.

Many survivors that have been writing self help books have acknowledged the  importance of going public to help survivors to validate that what happened to them was real and very painful, and that we can learn how to live whit what happened.

There are very good books, for people that are proficient in the English language, telling the history of victims of child sexual abuse, to help people that are seeking to understand better what they went through and how to get help. “The Courage to Heal” -A guide for women survivors of child sexual abuse, written by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, Vermilion, London,1997- I would consider one of the best books that I have come across and which hit me strait away in helping me to recognize my original feelings towards being abused. Another very good reference is “Breaking the Silence”-Survivors speak out, by Liz Mullinar and Candida Hunt, Hodder & Stoughton, Australia, 1997, that helps survivors to realized that they are not alone in what they have lived and how much other survivors can support each other.

Sharing about the abuses we suffered, in supportive groups, is a very effective way of speaking out because as we feel understood it helps us to heal at the same time and we are helping other survivors to seek the same while we learn about how deal with it. I have heard and watched the truth and pain of many people, in support groups I have been involved with in the latest years.

I had first experience myself of how powerful somebody’s help can be, by my own action of  freeing a victim on the other side of the world, just by writing a letter to encourage this person to seek help!

Also, by telling people about my history and my intention of exposing my abuser, I got to know that I touched many people’s hearts, in support groups and also in a public speech in Australia. I am happy to know that because of my speech, other survivors have seeked help, to heal from being abused in the past too.

If each one of us that have been sexually abused as children could help at least ONE victim… Thus, if this victim realizes how much this has changed her or his life and if this person also does the same for other another victim, we could begin to change one of the biggest statistics of violence, which destroy so many families and spoils so many people’s lives.

We do not have to carry the world on our backs! We have gone through so much pain and suffering, but we can show the way out to others, by working together and supporting each other.

By doing our bit, we will be helping others to achieve the freedom we had wish, for so long, we could have gotten in the past.

 

 

(19.04.04) - The present amendment is part of a text that was intended to be edited for a future literary project, but which subject in question I decided to anticipate complementing important aspects that should be clarified.

This is intended to avoid misunderstandings to those that have become aware of this site, as well as avoid manipulation of facts from those people that try to hind what I am trying to make people see.

Unfortunately, some of the people that try to repress this manifestation will be survivors themselves or families of people that were abused, because of the difficulty that these people have to free themselves from the conflict they feel between right and wrong, caused by the abuse.

On the other hand, those that were never abused are usually are the more receptive ones which react in the more positive way, because they have never been subjected to the pressure of having to hide such a subject or feeling ashamed about it.

 

It is not my intention to impose on to people what they should do but, to show that I have dealt with such situations and that I have transcended many phases that had made the pedophile even stronger in his confidence to abuse.  

Forgiveness, is one of these issues and many people will argue about it, as a justification to try to repress rational attitudes of those that look for practical solutions for such a serious problem like child sexual abuse. 

I would like to state below, for those that are not aware or that have not perceived yet, based on  the progress I have reached as a result of more than 20 years of therapy, international support groups and lots of readings, about what to do in regard to fighting child sexual abuse:

 

1- This site does not have the objective of expressing points of views based on feelings of love or hatred, but intends to show in an objective and rational way, experience lived by somebody that, besides fighting in a family environment went to seek for answers through education and research about how to deal with child sexual abuse.

 

2- Pedophiles do not stop abusing people when they age, even though they have been isolated from contact with children during a period of their lives. When they have the opportunity, they abuse again, because their personalities have not changed. The path that is taken to make an individual become a pedophile can only be changed while their personalities are in a process of formation. There is, with the right support or therapy, during childhood, teenage or earliest years of adulthood. Pedophiles that have been prosecuted and gone to jail, knowing that they cannot control themselves, are in these days alerting authorities and also giving interviews on TV channels, like it happened recently in Ohpra’s talk show , in the USA, to  make people conscious about the seriousness of their problem.

Psychiatrists also admit that they are still not sure of how to cure such a problem and they cannot guarantee that a pedophile will not abuse anymore.

 

3- You can forgive those that abuse children sexually as many times as you are willing to do or wish so. It is you’re choice… I myself have forgiven my father, not only once, but many times in the past. But, the one that was willing to start a new life was I and not him. Every time I forgave him, he betrayed my trust again and again. He not just abused me again but also kept going abusing other people. My father also challenged me that I could not present evidences of what he was doing, as a way to intimidate me and impose his dominance of power over my silence. Many of the victims I had originally suspected of being abused by him had later confirmed they have been abused by my father. This, by itself, shows that people should never put their guard down to a pedophile. I also got this confirmation from literature about the subject and within many survivors supporting groups.

 

4- The only person you have to forgive, to free yourself, is yourself, because you thought that you were the cause of the abuse, due to your involvement in it and because you could not do anything to free yourself from it in the past. You could not do it! You were just a child! This made you fragile and feeling intimidated. You were under domination!

 

5-Unfortunately, forgiveness is used as a strong emotional blackmail to make victims feel bad about claiming their rights. They are not thinking about helping the victim, but how to save their own skins, as they do not want to upset their hidden agendas.

While forgiveness keeps been used as a justification or an excuse to avoid action and prevent new victims from happening, you will be only collaborating for perpetuation of the problem.

For many people, it will be difficult to perceive that I only got to launch this site because I set myself free from the chains that used to keep me tied up for so many years!

Today, I am free and my manifestation goes much further than the things that some people would consider as pure purpose of revolving pain caused by the past or bitterness. My main objective is by alerting and educating, to show an attitude detached from guilt, shame or other conflicts, to indicate the way to freedom to survivors that can free themselves from a brain wash they had been manipulated into or imposed by those that help to keep things in the way they are still today.

This site was launched, with the intention to show a new angle, for those that chase solutions that were not found within standards that are today considered accepted and which repress survivors and society in general, when dealing with a taboo that most people feel uncomfortable to discuss.

I want to share with others that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you can transform a past that cannot be changed, as well as the mistake of those involved, into a trampoline, to reach something positive for future generations.

So, as also in other spheres of problems that seems not to have a solution, it is necessary to stop with negativism and failure attitudes, that make people say: “THAT THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE..” This type of attitude is part of the consequences that the abuse left imprinted in people’s personalities.

There is nothing I can do for those that do not want or cannot see it! But I hope that one day these people can also break their own barriers. Because, you cannot claim freedom while you are a slave of silence and are contributing for the continuation of a problem.

Even, so knowing how difficult it is to break these barriers, I am conscious that people have the right to keep in silence if they choose to do so. However, you should be aware that who keeps silence, indirectly consents to the problem.

I want take this opportunity to protest against those that interfere against people that try to change the present situation, by blocking victims from getting free and obstructing justice.

 

6- You are not the one to blame for actions or consequences, resulting from whatever might happen, because you decided to declare that you were abused. It is your right to claim against those that caused suffering to you, as well as to help other victims. Do not fall for games of emotional blackmail or charges of responsibilities for whatever other people will do, because you brought the abuse to light. This is the responsibility of those people only and not yours! If they have a problem distinguishing right from wrong, the problem is not yours. So, like me you can also overcome such matters.

   

Be happy about the benefits you can bring for those victims you can help to free. That is what matters!

I have learned over all these years that, it is worth while to fight, even though it is hard.

The best way of preventing child sexual abuse is breaking the silence, educating and taking action.

As survivors, we can so, achieve something much bigger than what we have lost, if we keep open hearted to see the evolution we have climbed.

The choice is yours!

 

     

 

 

 

Copyright © Since 2003 www.r-eap.org - All rights reserved