R-Evolution Against Pedophiles

 

2003

 

EDUCATIONAL INFORMATION

 

 

PEDOPHILE, according to Aurelio Dictionary pedophilia means “a strong and repetitive desire for sexual practices and sexual fantasies with children and teenagers”

or “a sexual perversion that involve fantasies with children”. So, child sexual abuse is pedophilia!

 

Did you know that child pornography on the Internet is just the tip of a big iceberg that has incest as the major type of child sexual abuse in the bottom of the pyramid?

INCEST, means “a forbidden sexual relationship between close relatives in a family, e.g. brother and sister or a parent and child”_ Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English.

Aurelio Dictionary also includes “adopted children” as relatives or family member for incest identification.

We can also find definitions described by organizations that deal with such issues like Brisbane Rape and Incest Crisis Centre (BRICC) in  Australia: " Incest includes any sexual violation or violence (i.e. unwanted touching or sexual behaviors) perpetrated on a child or young person by a family person that is in a position of trust in relation to the child or young person. In this definition, incest is rape.”

 

Would you be shocked to know that many family members abuse sexually their own children?

ABUSE, as per Aurelio Dictionary means “1- Misuse or wrong use, excessive and unfair; 2-Overpower; 3- Anything or behavior that goes against good rules or traditions; 4- A treat to dignity or violation.

 

Did you know that most court cases, this means, the ones that involve incest are treated with secrecy by the justice system, and communities never get to know who the abusers are?

Would you feel upset to know that most child molesters are running free because of legal bureaucracy, inadequate laws that are unfair to the survivors, and also due to impunity because of legal corruption, in many countries around the world?

SURVIVOR, means “a person who has continued to live, esp. in spite of coming close to death”- Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English. – This meaning has been adopted for people that had suffered sexual abuse in childhood, due to life devastation caused by the abuse”.

 

You might think: “Why somebody does not do something about it?”

Who should start it? Everybody should do it! It should be a collaboration between people. The only way to reduce or even eradicate problems is to change people’s attitude towards them. Speaking openly about the problem is a good start.

Keeping child sexual abuse in silence will only help the perpetrators to keep making new victims!

 

This is why I am here, exposing the one that had sexually abused me, when I was a child…

I am doing what every person, that wishes the world should be a better place to live, should be doing.

Becoming an activist against pedophiles is one of them.

Promoting healthier and happiest future generations, by fighting for the innocents: The children! You can do the same!

 

According to the World Health Organization, one in three girls and one in seven boys are sexually abused as children between the age of a just born baby up to their eighteen’s.

The offenders are in great majority heterosexual men who are known by the victim. Also, they are the ones that should represent a reference of love, trust, respect and safety. The main abusers, you believe or not, are the fathers of the victims.

Other family members like, stepfathers, brothers, grandfathers, uncles and cousins, are also found as abusers, in the first group. In a second group, we find other people that have contact with children such as teachers, doctors, priests, family friends and also strangers.

Although rare, there are also cases of women that abuse children sexually. These include nannies, aunties or other female family members and even the mother.

 

Child sexual abuse can happen in any family. It does not matter social class, education, religion, race, sex or even the appearance of the child.

Intellectual level or financial status, are also not relevant to a person’s probability of being an abuser. Child sexual abuse does not happen only in “Slums” or financially poor families or from uneducated parents.

It also does not matter if you belong to a considered “Good Family”. Potential abusers cannot be fit into a classification. He could be any person with a normal look or no suspicious attitude!

I come from a social middle class catholic family, from the countryside, well-educated parents with tertiary post-graduation qualifications. My family was always considered good and respected people in the community we lived in. However, my father is a pedophile that has being abusing innocents, in secrecy, for more than 50 years!

 

I also want to wake people up for the fact that, child sexual abuse does not happen always by threatening the child with aggression. It can also happen through emotional blackmail of love and special caring, with a hidden perversion, like the abuse that happens in my family.

My father abused me, justifying himself that I was the greatest love he had ever experienced in his life! So I felt, I was the cause of the abuse during many years. What I did not know at that time was that he had been abusing people for years, even before I was born! He also used to abuse more than one person at the same time. The victims were made to believe they were special and that they were the only person he had this type of relationship with. My father took us all through a competition, against each other, for a love we would never get from him. That was not love! We never got to know true love.

My father also got family members to become isolated from each other, by asking each victim to keep the secret, as a proof of trust.

Child sexual abuse is caused within secrecy with the victim. As the abuser is in a position of trust and power, the victim that is a vulnerable target due to tender age cannot get set free until reaching teenage or adulthood.

 

As also found in literature about domestic violence and reports of survivors of child sexual abuse, even when other people in the family know about child sexual abuse, other relatives do not come to help current victims. In many cases the reason is that these other family members have also been abused as children and they feel powerless to take action against the abusers.

 

Apart from this, as found in “Betrayal of Innocence- Incest and its Devastation” by Susan Forward, M.S.W. and Craig Buck, mothers also contribute to child sexual abuse as a silent partner and they can be classified in many different categories such as from ignoring the existence of the abuse to the ones that promote and participate actively with their husbands in practices of child sexual abuse.

 

Most abusers have been found to be abused as children themselves. The origin of the problem is not physiological, genetics or even sexual, but can be said as psycho-pathological.

 So, preventing children from being abused today, is one way to help to reduce the number of future abusers…

But, even though for a person that was abused in childhood, this cannot justify and is not a reason for compassion for those that abuse children.

Nobody has the right to sexually abuse  any child!

 

I am here to advocate against child sexual abuse for the ones that did NOT become abusers.

The ones that became pedophiles are EXCLUDED from being a survivor. These are classified as perpetrators.

 

When people are abused in childhood, a division of different types of personalities can result from it and people follow two opposite paths in their lives. The danger, are the ones that do not acknowledge any type of child abuse as something wrong and learn to enjoy power over defenseless people, using sex as one of the ways to do it. These people choose to abuse, as a way of compensating the abuse that happened to them and they follow the steps of their abusers. Usually, they would never get their hearts into seeking therapy by themselves or taking it seriously, even though most of them know that what they do is wrong. Deep down these individuals do not want to change, because they put their pleasure above the pain of others.

 

Pedophilia is a game of power and sadism, with emotional torture and submission, imposed by the molester over his victims. It is a silent blackmail.

A pedophile is a coward that needs defenseless people to fulfill the pleasure he seeks in his power games.

Child sexual abuse is an act of pure selfishness, in which the abuser does not consider, or respect the feelings of the victim, but himself. Pedophilia is an imposed act of violence, against somebody that cannot defend herself or himself. So, a pedophile is a rapist.

As we also find in a quote from Susan Brownmiller, in BRICC support service booklet   Understanding Incest, “…rape…is nothing more than a conscious process of intimidation by which… men keep all women in a state of fear”.

There is a lot of similarity between the fear and sense of powerless slavery felt by an adult woman when she is raped or a little girl that is physically or emotionally forced to submit herself to her father’s sexual perversions.

 

Child sexual abuse is known today as one of major causes of emotional diseases such as depression and suicidal behavior. Many survivors suffer from distresses such as anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, insomnia and aches without a known cause.

It is also known, to be a cause of many other related physical diseases.

 

Drinking and drug problems have also child abuse as one of the major causes. Survivors that cannot cope with the pain of the memories of the abuse, seek to numb themselves, to be able to “forget” it, to keep living.

The low self esteem victims of child sexual abuse develop, can take many of them to go into prostitution, as sexual contact is the only form of love they had ever known and because they believe that this is the only thing they believe they are worth while for.

Many authors have quoted in their books related to the matter, a research conducted in America in 1987 shows that between 500,000 and 1,000,000 of children that got into prostitution or pornography, a high number of them were found to be victims of child sexual abuse - See  “Sex Work: Writing by Women in the Industry”, edited by Frederique Dellacoste and Priscilla Alexander, Pitsburg: Cleis Press.

Most children that use sex as a way of living do not do it for pleasure but because they have not learnt self respect and they do not have the expectation of achieving anything better in life. A lot of them use drugs and alcohol to alleviate the emotional pain. So, they can cope more comfortably with promiscuous behavior.

If children get into prostitution, it is because they were introduced to it by somebody that had abused them sexually in the first place.

 

On the other hand some victims became totally adverse to sex because of the traumatic memories it triggers. Lots of survivors have been chosen to be single or seeking some type of sublimations. In both cases, the past experiences interfere in their social lives as well as having happy and successful interpersonal and sexual relationships in their future. In the old days, joining a convent was the only hope women would expect to find forgiveness and peace from what they considered was a sin that only God could have their souls saved.

Today, unstable relationships or divorces, long therapies or psychiatric hospital admissions are part of the victim’s lives.

 

Another one of many facts I have learned from literature, confirming what I also heard from other survivors and based on my own experience is the extent of the emotional abuse that continues even after the sexual exploitation has stopped. The victims keep being controlled and emotionally abused by the molester and even by other family members that protect the perpetrator. Survivors that do not accept being abused, have difficult times, especially if they try to change family behavior patterns.

Family members usually try to cover up the problem because of shame. Most relatives feel discomfort when somebody brings up the subject or tries to do something about it.

When my father was found molesting my mother’s sisters, in my parent’s first years of marriage, nobody in her family reported the abuse to the police, because they considered it a shame and scandal. Also, they reasoned that my mother had three small children and that she would need to have a husband to support her. Because of this negligence, myself and many other children became victims of my father too.

As a survivor, I can tell you for sure that it would have been better not to have a parent than having the abusive one as I had. This is what should be considered by people that come across this site wondering what to do when they find out about child sexual abuse in their own families. I do say with conviction:

“ALWAYS CONSIDER CHILDREN’S SAFETY IN THE FIRST PLACE.”

The abuser situation or family image should never be a priority! This false image will only last until one of the survivors exposes the family wrongs in the future, anyway, like I am doing now. The discovering of somebody’s cover up to pedophilia is what could be a reason for loosing public respect. Think about that!

 

Even so, panic and shame of being considered the cause and the one responsible for the abuse, make that other survivors in the family persist, with all their possibilities, in covering up the abuse and to protect the abuser.

Even though two of my sisters were both victims of child sexual abuse by my father, they told me that they would always deny he had abused them, because they could not face the shame of letting  others know that they had been abused. They have also admitted to me that my father has instructed them to keep firm in their denial, so they could not get legally into trouble for negligence towards other victims. This happened when I was contemplating taking legal action against my father because of what my father had done to me and also to support another victim that was discovered.

Already an adult, at that time, I came to a strong realization that, if I was still a child, my father would still be abusing me sexually and also realized that other people in my family would still refuse to me help.

Because of legal technicalities, to be successful in my complaint, I would need the confirmation that another victim that has also been sexually abused by my father.

By knowing about how much I kept my father’s secret when I was a child, for love, guilt and fear; I did not believe that I could count with this new victims confirmation.

Later on, when I asked my aunties to confirm, together with me, that my father had abused them too, to support the court case, I did not get they to do it.

Although, one of my mother’s sisters had expressed the wish to support this new victim in court, her husband convinced her not to get involved in this dirty matter, to not get herself stinking too. I believe that many people would agree with me that, dirty is someone that chooses to protect a pedophile.

Another aunty argued that, as the victim was not related to her by blood and she did not have any affection for her, she believed that she did not have the duty to expose herself to such a shame for the sake of that child that did not mean anything to her. What they all should have considered is that by neglecting to help another victim they helped the perpetrator to be kept free.

The worst attitude was of one of my father’s sisters, who went to persuade the new victim’s mother to withdraw from the court case against my father, to avoid having her good family name involved in such a scandal... Together with this aunty, many people from my family went to the house of the victim, or called on the phone, for the purpose of using emotional blackmail and persuasion as a way to get the charges removed from court. The feelings of the victim had no value or importance for those people.

I got even more disappointed, when I got to know later from the mother of the victim, that she had dropped the charges, claiming that she did not have time to follow the court case! What type of mother would hind justice from happening to her own child?

I would look at people such as the mentioned above as an accessory to pedophilia.

 

So, I could not get justice for that victim.  But at least, I got this person freed from being sexually abused at that time, and I had done it from the other side of the world! As you can see, distance is never an excuse. What counts is to be conscious of the importance of what you are doing for somebody that still cannot defend herself and to be willing to do it.

 

I always had very few people in my side, since I broke the silence and started fighting my father openly for what he had done to me and because I knew that he kept molesting other children. I could also predict that he would keep going with this compulsive behavior because he enjoys the power of doing it.

I actually started confronting my father since 1980 and I have also been challenging my family for over a decade, as they always tried to avoid dealing with a problem that got out of control and that will keep repeating the history of abuse while nobody puts a stop to my father. 

But, not everybody had given their back to my efforts.  I want to place here a special acknowledgement about the trust my older brother and his wife laid on me, when I told them what had happened to me, many years ago, to prevent their children from suffering abuse by my father. People like them should never be taken by prejudice, once all I am telling here comes out in public. Please, be supportive to them, because they had already suffered so many of the consequences being part of such a family.

 

In the latest years I also got to know about new potential victims.

One of them is my younger niece, who I never got to meet. My father was allowed close contact and to take care of this child, since a newborn baby. As a former victim, the mother should know about the danger. However, there was nothing I could do about it, because of the misleading behavior of my father.

As he had gone for voluntary psychotherapy, so he could escape prosecution, deluding again family members to believe he was changing. 

Once more, time has proven that I have been right for all these years, if people in my family like it or not, and the sky has fallen over their heads again.

Even though these people have been hiding the information from me, I got to know that we now have another new sister. She is, once again, another daughter my father had outside his marriage, so he can keep having new victims to fulfill his perverted sexual compulsion for children.

The worst is that Brazilian justice allowed my father to register this child as his daughter and have full power over her, even though he was appointed in court as a suspect of child sexual abuse more than once in the past.

This new child is now at risk because my father did not get prosecuted for the accusations which were later dropped by the mother of the previous victim.

Do you think this is right? Do you think that all this should be kept silent?

 

I have now engaged in trying to finally bring my father down from getting away with abusing innocent children by exposing him to the public on a worldwide scale as a pedophile.

I believe that, as this brings to light such a serious problem that so many families have, a door could be opened to free many victims of child sexual abuse.

 

I hope my story to give strength and encourage other survivors of my father to get rid of guild and shame to finally speak out. So, we can together finally take him to the only place he should belong to: BEHIND BARS.

 

I believe people to react in a positive way by waking up to problems like I have in my family, because this is a common wound that affects so many people around the world! When I look back to the past, I can today remember signs of similarity of what happens in my family, also identified in families of friends, school and university classmates and even people I met whilst I did professional jobs with.

 

I also hope the community I come from, and also many others, can grow by learning more about incest, which is a problem so far hidden and avoided, because it is considered a taboo subject. Education can help to put feelings of prejudice aside, by making people realize the horrific suffering victims of child sexual abuse have gone through in their lives.

I wish that many other survivors around the world could also take the reins for freedom and support one another, as well as help current victims of child sexual abuse to get set free.

 

It would be so good if people would stop being so passive towards this type of violence and everyone would participate with their share, so the world could be a better place to live and be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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